PSN down. Not Poetry. Not mishap. Final post 2014.

God, considering a lot of people can't get on their PSN accounts, a lot of people can still get on their PC's and moan the face off a goat. Why can't Lizard Squad just shut them up forever?

Also why can't these people (the owners of the consoles) realise that not only are LS stopping their enjoyment of said online games, they are showing the flaws and insecurities of a (still) underdeveloped and under protected system which is now some 10 years old?

The problems with an always connected World means that everyone has to always be connected. Sometimes the BS within communities that provides can be detrimental to a modern society, no matter how small or large a community is.

I for one remember gaming being a quiet pastime in solitude or with family - not MMO festivals where the best player is also the most aggressive in forums or even on the mic. Seeing what some people are putting online over this new debacle makes me sad to call myself a gamer. Either they need to get a life, or I need to put the pad down and rethink my hobbies.

Yes, we pay for PS+ for PS4, which grants Online play, but that also grants free games for Vita and PS3, as well as PS4 - This may be constituted as Indie games or shovelware, but be thankful they actually offer you anything. Something is always better than nothing if it's in relation to the item your buying.

Get real, gamers. Enjoy the games you have yet to get through, and appreciate the risks these hackers are taking to develop the systems you supposedly love, and spend more time than your family with. At this time of year you'd think people would see that, but no. As ever with an online presence people still want more, because they both think and expect that a multinational company owes you for loyalty...

I'm gonna end this as thus....

*facepalm*

22.

With you on my mind I feel uncertified
I'm so cock sure yet so confused
And so damned blind.
Like the edge of reason
From Summer to Spring season.
It just feel like staggering on along with blinkered eyes.

I try to continue as best I know how
But the life I've had for 5 year is just
A sacrificed cow.
I just wish I could come back to how I was back then
And realise what's it's like to have real friends
Real thoughts, real feelings; real hopes and ambitions.

The truth is I feel so far gone.
I find it hard to focus and even acknowledge
How fucked up the World really is let alone; alone.
I just want to get back there and life my life.
I'm fed up of living in beer and strife.
Just don't ever leave leave me with reasons to atone.

21.

The fish have become my pet
Why don't you pay a vet?
They days all slide away
I suck at Valium haze.

Go take the drugs you know
And know the land you sew.
If you take shit without caring
Why bother with sharing?

Vodka, rum, beer, cider?
Need you look any wider?
I've fell foul of all the above
Oh My and there's whiskey..

Pray to the cloud above.

This ain't shit to the drama I've seen -
This ain't the plateau
I've seen far on down
But shit seems far down low.

I've lost my mind many times over
Would like to edge on over
Beyond the cliffs of Dover.
My mind floated on way upon over.

Don't even have to think of a rhyme
To exact this time of my mind
So screw you all.
Play a low E.



The days all seem to pass
Day by day
Bored to my back teeth
And yet you sit on your ass.

Play a low E.

20.

Your a mysterious creature running thorough my brain
Why is it that I just feel so insane?
It's like pure heroin rolling within my veins
I've never felt like this before I feel strange!

But I've known you
For plenty of time within my life
And with others I've felt so much strife.
But the days and nights I spend with you
When there's so much we can do
Is much better than being alone
Passing out by sniffing glue

But I don't really know just who you are
And I don't know quite what you like
When I don't know why your
So far away...
And I don't know what you drink or eat
But I do know one thing at least
And that's that my life's complete
With you.

And baby, I'm in love with you.

These feelings I've been through before
But sooner or later they've been thrown
Through the door
When I'm away And scared.

But every other day it seems
That I'm getting better mentally
And I'm feeling rather glad.
That I'm starting to feel complete
After years of empty empathy
But I'm not mad...

19.

A few years ago my depression started.

I was drinking heavily and lost a lot through it all after the passing of my mother. Not only her had I lost but I lost my savings, my job and on long term partner.

I gained panic attacks and lost self confidence. I effectively turned to a hermit. I've now been this way for 6 years.

I do fear for my health in general. I was a happy person before mom died had plenty of friends and loved to go out. I was learning to drive, planning on moving out and everything was going well.

When it all hit I felt lost.

Over the years I've gotten a lot worse before I Got better. Some people don't help with this if I'm honest. They lay the blame solely on my drinking as the focal point for everything.

The more time passes, the better I feel from a depression point of view but that's because I've nothing to actually be depressed about. I rarely go out other than maybe a day out travelling a month, food shopping and general pick ups from the off license for alcohol, tobacco crisps pop etc.

I've now Got to the point where I'm happy doing nothing and the complacency is setting in. I want to do something but I hate being outdoors. I want to walk around in the summer but I sweat too much. I want to be out in public but I hate crossing the paths of groups of people.

This is not an alcohol problem. This is a mental problem.

People who don't understand this first need to understand that no one person's life is perfect. We all have problems no matter how well to do or higher us the social ladder we are. The difference is how we actually deal with it as an individual and by proxy as a family / friend unit.

Since I lost mom I've genuinely felt lost. She was my best friend I'm not going to deny that. I loved her and then she went the way she did. When she died I couldn't even bring myself to go to the hospital she was in on the day. It just felt futile.

As a result of this I have to live with this so called guilt every day whilst also knowing I was too weak and if I'd have seen her dead after 6 months or so of watching her dying I would really have cracked.

There are some things people should not see nor tolerate and seeing your own parent going in that way stirred a imbalance in my head. This resulted in the depression and then the heavy drinking which did, I agree amplify my degenerated state.

I write this blog for anyone who actually reads it to try and stop thinking about how to blame everyone is. Some people just are not strong enough and even though I'm still going it's a bloody nightmare to live with when your in a slump.

Just please be more aware of loved one's suffering and don't use it as ammunition against them - especially when you know nothing of them Of the circumstances if you've recently fell into contact with them. it's not your place to judge something you weren't there for. You can only try and help.

Try talking to them, don't let it fester and offer anything you think they need, be it something warm to eat or your time to visit them or go out with them. It may be hard for you to watch or deal with, but it's harder for the person living it.

Andy x

18.

I'm a chav and I hate the garage,
gimme a moment on vivo, i'll f*** up yer evo...

17.

If I were to say my life was so rubbish
I'd say that your life is bullish
Yeah my life is so much as the same-ish
At least I can say I ain't no Amish.

And when you call me fat and forgotten
Yeah it leaves me low; still downtrodden
More than anything I feel so rotten.
Least I ain't a fuck-wit forgotten.

So go away you big storming sod
I know what I could have been, it's been but foretold.
My life has been and gone for now it's been sold.
So for now I'll be so bloody old.

Oh I say again...