18.

I'm a chav and I hate the garage,
gimme a moment on vivo, i'll f*** up yer evo...

17.

If I were to say my life was so rubbish
I'd say that your life is bullish
Yeah my life is so much as the same-ish
At least I can say I ain't no Amish.

And when you call me fat and forgotten
Yeah it leaves me low; still downtrodden
More than anything I feel so rotten.
Least I ain't a fuck-wit forgotten.

So go away you big storming sod
I know what I could have been, it's been but foretold.
My life has been and gone for now it's been sold.
So for now I'll be so bloody old.

Oh I say again...

16.

She lays there like a big fooking prat
Wondering about this there and that;
She sits there like she's where it's at.
Get outta my way, you darned fecking cat.

And when she wonders around so smitten
Attacking those bright golden mittens.
If you stick your hand there she will have bitten. 
The ol' lazy bloody yet confident kitten....

15.

Pop some water in yer old copper pon
Are'll bring round some jam and scones. 
And when the young un's have gone 
The bloke in the cellar; oh his time'll come...

14.

Bored, bored, bored, bored; 
Didn't go to bed til gone seven, 
up at 11 this mornin', 
TV's been shite since that documentary on Devon; 
bleary eyed, badger eyed: 
Wide awake sober, 
my birthday's in October, 
Bloody Blinkin' bored.